Five Questions to Ask Your Parents This Thanksgiving

Fall in Kansas City has a rhythm all its own. The leaves are turning along Ward Parkway, the barbecue smoke is drifting over Arrowhead on Sundays, and the Chiefs are off to a 5-1 start that has the whole town wearing red again. Before we know it, the holidays will be here, and families from across the metro will be gathering around the same table for the first time in months.

That table is one of the best places to have a conversation most families put off for years: what happens if Mom or Dad gets sick, needs care, or passes away. It doesn't have to be heavy, and it doesn't have to happen over the turkey. But when everyone is in the same room, a few honest questions can save your family a great deal of stress, money, and time in court later.

Here are five questions worth asking this Thanksgiving, and what the answers mean under Missouri law.

1. "If something happened to you tomorrow, who would make decisions for you?"

This is the most important question on the list. If a parent has a stroke or develops dementia, someone needs legal authority to pay bills, talk to doctors, and make care decisions. Being their child, or even their spouse, does not automatically give you that authority.

The tools that solve this are simple and inexpensive:

• A durable financial power of attorney. In Missouri this is governed by the Durable Power of Attorney Law, RSMo 404.700 to 404.737.
• A durable power of attorney for health care, often paired with a living will or health care directive (RSMo 404.800 to 404.872).
• A HIPAA authorization, so doctors and hospitals can actually talk to the people your parent has chosen.

Without these documents, the family usually has to go to probate court and ask a judge to appoint a guardian or conservator (RSMo Chapter 475). That process is public, slow, and expensive, and the court, not your parent, decides who is in charge. A power of attorney signed while a parent still has capacity avoids all of that. Once capacity is gone, it is too late to sign one.

2. "Where are your important papers, and how would we get to them?"

Many families learn too late that Dad's will is in a safe deposit box only Dad can open, or that every bill is paid online behind a password nobody knows. A few minutes of conversation can prevent weeks of searching.

Ask where your parents keep:

• Their will, trust, and powers of attorney, and the name of the attorney who prepared them
• Deeds, vehicle titles, and insurance policies
• Bank, brokerage, and retirement account statements
• Social Security, Medicare, and supplemental insurance cards
• Passwords or a password manager for online accounts, email, and phones

You don't need to see account balances at the dinner table. You just need to know where things are and who to call. Encourage your parents to put it all in one folder and tell one trusted person where it lives.

3. "What happens to the house?"

For most Kansas City families, the house is the biggest asset. If it is titled in a parent's name alone with no plan in place, it will likely have to go through probate before it can be sold or transferred. In Missouri, the simplified small estate affidavit only works when the estate is worth $40,000 or less (RSMo 473.097), and very few homes in the metro fall under that figure.

Missouri offers a simple fix: the beneficiary deed (RSMo 461.025). The owner keeps full control during life, and the home passes directly to the named beneficiary at death without probate.

To be effective, a beneficiary deed must be signed and recorded with the county Recorder of Deeds before death.

A revocable living trust is another option, especially for families with more complex assets.

One caution: avoiding probate is not the same as protecting the home from long-term care costs. Missouri can seek repayment from a Medicaid recipient's estate, including some property that passes outside probate (RSMo 473.398). If a parent may need nursing home care, the house deserves its own planning conversation.

4. "If you ever needed more care, what would you want, and how would we pay for it?"

Start with wishes, not money. Would they want to stay at home with help? Move closer to family? Consider assisted living? Knowing their preferences now makes hard decisions easier later.

Then comes the money question, which surprises most families. Medicare generally does not pay for long-term custodial care. Nursing home care in the Kansas City area costs many thousands of dollars a month, and most families end up relying on savings, long-term care insurance, or Medicaid. Medicaid eligibility is strict: in 2026, a single Missouri applicant for nursing home Medicaid (MO HealthNet) can have no more than $6,068.80 in countable assets (source).

Three things every family should know:

• The five-year look-back. Medicaid reviews gifts and transfers made in the 60 months before applying (42 U.S.C. 1396p(c)). Gifts made in that window can trigger a period of ineligibility. The IRS annual gift exclusion has nothing to do with this rule. A gift that is perfectly fine for tax purposes can still cost months of Medicaid coverage.
• Planning works best early. With time, there are lawful strategies to protect a home and savings. In a crisis, there are often still options, but fewer of them.
• A deadline is coming. For Medicaid applications filed on or after January 1, 2027, retroactive coverage for nursing home applicants shrinks from three months to two (Justice in Aging). If a parent is already in a nursing home or headed there, filing before the end of the year may protect an extra month of coverage. Waiting on a Medicare appeal before applying can now cost a family a month of bills that can never be recovered.

5. "When did you last look at your will and beneficiary designations?"

A will signed 20 years ago may name an executor who has since passed away, or leave everything to a child who now has creditor or marriage problems. Beneficiary designations are an even bigger blind spot. Life insurance, IRAs, 401(k)s, and payable-on-death bank accounts pass to whoever is named on the form, no matter what the will says.

Good times to review:

• After a death, divorce, marriage, or new grandchild in the family
• After moving to Missouri from another state, since each state's law differs
• After selling a home, a business, or receiving an inheritance
• Any time it has been more than five years

A quick review often reveals an ex-spouse still listed on a retirement account, or a beneficiary who passed away years ago. Both are easy to fix while your parent is alive and impossible to fix afterward.

How to bring it up without ruining dinner

Nobody wants to hear "So, about your funeral" between the green bean casserole and the pumpkin pie. A few tips from families who have done this well:

• Pick your moment. A walk after dinner, the drive home from church, or halftime of the Chiefs game is better than the full table.
• Make it about you. "I just did my own will and it got me thinking" lands far better than "You need to get your affairs in order."
• Ask, don't tell. Your parents are adults with their own wishes. The goal is to understand them, not to take over.
• Don't try to solve it all at once. One question this year is a win. Agree on a next step, like a meeting with an attorney in January.
• Include your siblings. Surprises and secrets are what cause family fights later. Everyone hearing the same thing at the same time helps.

If the answer was "I don't know"

That's normal, and it's exactly why these conversations matter. Heirloom Estate Planning & Elder Law helps Missouri families across the Kansas City area put simple, sensible plans in place: powers of attorney, wills and trusts, beneficiary and transfer-on-death deeds, and Medicaid and long-term care planning.

If a parent is already in a nursing home or likely to need care soon, please don't wait until after the holidays. The January 1 change to Medicaid retroactive coverage makes timing more important than usual this year.

Call us at 816-705-3288 or visit heirloomlawkc.com to schedule a consultation. Our office is in Brookside at 751 East 63rd Street, Suite 321.

Go Chiefs, and happy Thanksgiving from all of us at Heirloom.

This article is general information, not legal advice. Reading it does not create an attorney-client relationship. Laws change and every family's situation is different, so talk with an attorney about your specific circumstances. Thomas Wolff is licensed to practice law in Missouri.

Sources

• Medicaid Planning Assistance: Missouri Medicaid eligibility, 2026
• Justice in Aging: H.R. 1 reduces Medicaid retroactive eligibility starting in 2027

Ready to have the conversation?

Whether you are helping a parent plan ahead or responding to a new care need, Heirloom can help you understand the next step. The consultation is free and there is no obligation.

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